When the call to deny yourself is distorted into denying Christ

In 2022 as I was setting up this blog, in the ‘About’ – ‘All the info’ section of this blog I wrote:

“The LORD put a desire, a longing, a deep love for Truth in my heart as a young child. His Word has proved faithful over and over again that only Truth, His Word, Christ Jesus can set me free from the lies of the devil, and the deceptions of my desperately sick heart.

As 'deconstructing your faith' has become the trend of this age, I am examining, and testing the foundation on which this supposed faith has been constructed upon. We are commanded to examine and test ourselves to confirm that we are in the faith, in Christ. And so we need to be asking ourselves, 'Is it Biblical? Did I come to this belief and understanding through the Word and the Spirit; or is this the foolishness of the world and flesh?’”

Growing up in the church I’ve been exposed to much distortion and twisting of God’s Word. I’ve learned to interpret and apply Scripture wrongly. I’ve been under the influence of spiritual leaders, pastors, teachers, speakers, authors and professors confidently and boldly mishandling God’s Holy Word. And in having enough wisdom to know that I was not wise, especially at my young age, I took it all to heart.

“Do not take to heart all the things that people say”

Ecclesiastes 7:21

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

The Reformation Study Bible commentary on the warning in James 3:1, “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” reads:

‘James gives a sober warning concerning the responsibility of teachers. Teachers exert influence over trusting students, a relationship that makes the students vulnerable to serious error. The tongue of the teacher can be a devasting peril.’

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

Proverbs 18:21

The commentary reads:

‘Speech can do good or harm. The person who is fond of talk should note which way its effects go.’

It has been a long and painful process of unlearning, or ‘deconstructing’ these things that I have believed and held so tightly to in the depths of my heart. Each time I think I’m making headway, the Spirit stirs up yet another thing that I need to unlearn by taking it captive to obey Christ (II Corinthians 10:5), the Word made flesh.

2021 ‘submission to authorities’ was the truth I had to relearn within its proper context of fearing the LORD, and not fearing man, as I was under an abusive and oppressive spiritual leadership.

2023 ‘deny yourself’ was the phrase from Scripture not being rightly divided, not being rightly handled (II Timothy 2:15) by my next spiritual authority. This time ‘deny yourself’ was not only mishandled in his speech and authority, but in his own conduct, his love, and his faith.

In this age of ‘influencers’ being everywhere, all the time and nearly unavoidable, I had thought I had been careful about who and what I was listening to, reading, watching, and that I was guarding my heart.

But I was not guarding my heart rightly, nor in a timely manner, when it came to respectfully confronting the spiritual authority I had submitted myself to, and discerning that I needed to no longer be under his authority.

Had I been truly guarding my heart, keeping my identity in Christ in the forefront of my mind and heart, then I would not have been so foolish and lacking in strength in my inner being to take lightly how deeply rooted, and firmly grounded I was and am in Love Himself (Ephesians 3:17).

Had I been truly guarding my heart, I would have been able to stand firm, resist, and flee from the continual attacks and false accusations that I was not denying myself enough, I was not serving the church enough, I was not loving the church enough, and that I was actually hurting and discouraging the church.

Had I been truly guarding my heart, I would have been comforting and equipping myself with truth of God’s Word and being filled with the Spirit who dwells within me. My Bible/prayer times would have been focused on my relationship with my Father, drawing near to Him, and growing in intimacy with the LORD.

Had I been truly guarding my heart, taking captive every thought to obey Christ, I would have been biblically denying myself, and not grieving the Spirit by denying my identity in Christ, and viewing myself as worthless, useless, and a burden to everyone.

I’ve seen denying yourself done beautifully, and I’ve seen it done horrifically.

I’ve done it beautifully, to God’s glory; and I’ve done this horrifically, taking the LORD’s name in vain and bringing dishonor to God.

“Then Jesus told His disciplines, ‘If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life/soul will lose it, but whoever loses his life/soul for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?’” Matthew 16:24-26

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sister, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. …first sit down and count the cost…sit down first and deliberate whether he is able… So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be My disciple.” Luke 14:25-33

So now that I’ve lived out what it does NOT look like to deny myself, what DOES it look like to deny myself?

-soli Deo gloria (for glory to God alone)