Looking back on Friday September 8, 2023

I continue to read last year's morning prayers each day.

Sometimes after I pray, and sometimes before I pray.

This morning it was after I prayed, and in reading it my heart was filled with a new song or praise and thanksgiving, weeping for the joy of the LORD.

Oh what a difference it makes not being under the spiritual authority of an oppressive, abusive so-called pastor!

Oh what a difference it makes being fed the Bread of Truth on the Lord's Day!

Oh what a difference it makes ceasing from all activity, and gathering to simply behold our King on the Sabbath Day!

Praising my Father, my Shepherd, my Keeper for the healing He's already done in my spirit, my mind, my emotions; and for all the work He continues to do to bring it all to completion.

Friday September 8, 2023

Good morning, Abba.

And just like that the first week of September is over.

I’m struggling, Abba. And I’m feeling weak and tired and empty.

I feel like I’ve been trying to run alongside a speeding train and I tripped and it’s just continuing to run over me, and I’m too exhausted to roll out of its track.

It’s one year since Margie’s Homecoming.

It’s been one year that Margie has entered Your presence, Your rest, beheld You face to face.

She was so worn and tired, Abba. You enabled her to endure, to serve You, love You till the very end. Her exit from this world was not easy. She was not well, and had no physical pleasure left with all the medical issues and concerns. But she was not unfamiliar with all of that. For decades, that was her physical experience of life in a broken, sin-cursed world.

And yet, she did what You would enable her to do. I don’t think she dwelled on the things she used to be able to do, the abilities she’d lost, the ministries she could no longer perform.

She would attend the Lord’s Day worship service, and love people, but she knew to go home to rest instead of pushing herself to fellowship. No one shamed her for it.

But did she feel shame? Did she privately struggle with how limited she’d become? Didn’t she ask Vida, ‘Is it okay that I decline your invitation for lunch to go home and rest?’

She must’ve hated that her lungs wouldn’t allow her to sing as she used to sing. But she’d sing as she was able, and from the heart, if not from the mouth.

“Rejoice always,

pray without ceasing,

give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Do not murmur, grumble, complain.

Cast all your thoughts, emotions, questions on the LORD – because He cares for you.

In whatever situation, season you are currently in, this is God’s will for you at this time – so give thanks.

Abba, it is Your good will for me to be brought low physically, mentally, emotionally right now. All of these circumstances, all of these health issues, all of these relationships, this very season of the year are all coming to a head together for my spiritual, eternal good.

I can grieve and rejoice at the same time.

I can grieve my health, my fitness, my physical state. And in the midst of that grief, I can also rejoice with the certain hope that, “Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” II Corinthians 4:17

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay” – my physical body, my health, my fitness, my energy is merely clay – fragile, decaying, shattered and glued back together again so even more fragile than before (II Corinthians 4:7)

Afflicted in everyway – light momentary affliction

As I’m afflicted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually at the same time – attacked and weakened from every angle – for so long, constantly, continually, without a break or breather – it does not feel like any of this is ‘light’ nor ‘momentary’.

My eyes, my mind, my heart are focused on all these things.

And they consume and overwhelm me.

You call me, command me, enable me to tear my eyes, my mind, my heart off of these things – repent, turn away – and look to You, to things unseen, to things eternal.

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim…in the bright light of Your glory and grace.

You do not deny that I am being afflicted in every way, perplexed-bewildered/confused/mystified, persecuted, struck down…

But I have been denying that You will limit these things so that I am not crushed by them, I’m not driven to despair by them, You will not forsake me because of these things, I’m not destroyed by them.

So that…it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. – Thanksgiving glorifies God.

SO WE DO NOT LOSE HEART.

Abba, I’m losing heart…I have lost heart.

I’m allowing my physical limitations hinder my perspective on spiritual things. My physical limitations are a weight I need to cast off so that my heart and mind are not so heavily weighed down, making this race feel like drudgery through mud.

Stop looking at my physical limitations and remember who I am in Christ.

I am unlimited spiritually.

I have the ear of the King!!!

Help me in all these things, Abba. Teach me to cast all my anxieties on You.

Make me remember that You care for me.

You have not called me to understand all these things perfectly.

You have not called me to convince others, teach others, force others to understand and to believe.

What are YOU calling me to do in all these things?

Turn my eyes away from all the things YOU are not calling me to do…cast those thoughts and feelings away so that I’m freed up to obey without distraction and without discouragement.

“…lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, LOOKING TO JESUS…who for the joy that was set before Him ENDURED… Consider Him who ENDURED…so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” Hebrews 12:1-3

“So we do not lose heart. …look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.” II Corinthians 4:16-18

Jesus didn’t focus on Judas and his betrayal. He accepted that Judas had to betray Him, that was His Father’s will and way, and it was all part of the plan. He didn’t try to stop Judas from killing himself.

Jesus didn’t focus on Peter’s betrayal. He accepted that Peter had to betray Him, and He prayed for Peter, and told him so. That was His Father’s will and way to humble Him in preparation of his ministry. Jesus acknowledged the betrayal, and then He sought Peter out and received him back.

Jesus did not tell Judas that He prayed for him.

Jesus looked to His Father to know who to pray for, how to pray for them, who to pursue, and who to let go.

That’s the pattern. That’s the principle. That’s the method, the recipe, the routine, the way, the formula.

“Humble yourselves…under the mighty hand of God…casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:6-7

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts (from losing heart, from growing weary, from growing faint) and your minds (taking every thought captive to obey Christ) in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

‘O soul, are you weary and troubled?

No light in the darkness you see?

There’s light for a look at the Savior,

And life more abundant and free!

Thro’ death into life everlasting,

He passed, and we follow Him there;

O’er us sin no more hath dominion –

For more than conqu’rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you – He promised;

Believe Him, and all will be well:

Then go to a world that is dying,

His perfect salvation to tell!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.’

Make disciples, teaching them… how do I turn my eyes upon Jesus and away from the world, the darkness, the troubles?

How do I cast off all these weights – all these cares, concerns, worries, anxieties – especially when I am commanded to love?

Isn’t this what it looks like to love?!

Jesus saw the crowds and had compassion.

There’s a difference between compassion and worry/anxiety.

Abba, instruct me to discern the difference.

To grow in compassion, and to mortify anxiety.

Help me today. Help me to view others with compassion, Your compassion.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.